{"id":110260,"date":"2024-12-17T08:10:06","date_gmt":"2024-12-17T08:10:06","guid":{"rendered":"https:\/\/www.english-culture.com\/?p=110260"},"modified":"2025-12-10T18:47:43","modified_gmt":"2025-12-10T18:47:43","slug":"christmas-crackers-jokes","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/www.english-culture.com\/christmas-crackers-jokes\/","title":{"rendered":"Christmas crackers jokes"},"content":{"rendered":"
\"Christmas<\/a>
Christmas crackers funny jokes<\/figcaption><\/figure>\n

Christmas crackers jokes, Funny Christmas crackers and humorous jokes by English-Culture for your enjoyment and your amusing Christmas Holidays.<\/span><\/p>\n

Christmas crackers are a British tradition dating back to Victorian times when in the early 1850s, London confectioner Tom Smith started adding a motto to his sugared almond bon-bons which he sold wrapped in a twisted paper package. The story goes that he was inspired to add ‘bang’ when he heard the crackle of a log he had just put on the fire. He decided to make a log shaped package that would produce a surprise bang and inside would be an almond and a motto and soon the sugared almond was replaced with a small gift. Originally sold as the Cosaque it soon became known by the public as the “cracker”.<\/span><\/p>\n

But it wasn’t until the early 1900s that the paper crown was added by Smith’s sons, Tom, Walter and Henry, after he died and gave the business to them. The idea behind the paper crown is thought to have originated from the Twelfth Night celebrations, when a King or Queen was appointed to overlook the proceedings. Then, by the end of the 1930s, the love poems were replaced by jokes or limericks; t<\/span>hey’re corny and seldom improve with the telling, but Christmas lunch wouldn’t be complete without the chorus of groans that corny cracker jokes always provoke.<\/span><\/p>\n

You can make your own Christmas crackers using empty toilet rolls and tissue or wrapping paper; wrap paper around the toilet roll leaving enough paper on the ends for people to hold onto; p<\/span>op personalised gifts, sweets and jokes into the tube. You can even buy paper crowns and cracker poppers online to complete your festive fun. Then add card or stiffener in the remaining paper to keep its cylindrical shape, before tying or twisting the paper at the end of the tube. Your cracker is now finished and ready to be shared with party guests!<\/span><\/p>\n

What does Santa suffer from if he gets stuck in a chimney?<\/span>
\nClaustrophobia!<\/span><\/p>\n

Why does Santa have three gardens?<\/span>
\nSo he can ‘ho ho ho’!<\/span><\/p>\n

Why did Santa’s helper see the doctor?<\/span>
\nBecause he had a low “elf” esteem!<\/span><\/p>\n

What kind of motorbike does Santa ride?<\/span>
\nA Holly Davidson!<\/span><\/p>\n

How will Christmas dinner be different after Brexit?<\/span>
\nNo Brussels.<\/span><\/p>\n

What do workers at Sports Direct get for Christmas dinner? <\/span>
\nAbout 5 minutes.<\/span><\/p>\n

What do you call a cat in the desert?<\/span>
\nSandy Claws!<\/span><\/p>\n

Who delivers presents to cats?<\/span>
\nSanta Paws!<\/span><\/p>\n

What do you call a dog who works for Santa?<\/span>
\nSanta Paws!<\/span><\/p>\n

What do you call Father Christmas in the beach?<\/span>
\nSandy Clause!<\/span><\/p>\n

What do you get if you cross Santa with a detective?<\/span>
\nSanta Clues!<\/span><\/p>\n

What did the sea Say to Santa?<\/span>
\nNothing! It just waved!<\/span><\/p>\n

What does Santa do with fat elves?<\/span>
\nHe sends them to an Elf Farm!<\/span><\/p>\n

What do you get if you cross Santa with a duck?<\/span>
\nA Christmas Quacker!<\/span><\/p>\n

Who delivers presents to baby sharks at Christmas?<\/span>
\nSanta Jaws<\/span><\/p>\n

What says Oh Oh Oh?<\/span>
\nSanta walking backwards!<\/span><\/p>\n

What goes Ho Ho Whoosh, Ho Ho Whoosh?<\/span>
\nSanta going through a revolving door!<\/span><\/p>\n

What is Santa’s favorite place to deliver presents?<\/span>
\nIdaho-ho-ho!<\/span><\/p>\n

How do you recognise a Christmas tree from BHS?<\/span>
\nAll the branches have gone.<\/span><\/p>\n

What’s David Cameron’s favourite Christmas song? <\/span>
\nAll I Want For Christmas is EU.<\/span><\/p>\n

Why does Santa go down the chimney on Christmas Eve?<\/span>
\nBecause it ‘soots’ him!<\/span><\/p>\n

What’s the difference between the clementine in your Christmas stocking and Donald Trump?<\/span>
\nNothing, they’re both a little orange.<\/span><\/p>\n

Who is Santa’s favorite singer?<\/span>
\nElf-is Presley!<\/span><\/p>\n

What do you call Santa’s little helpers?<\/span>
\nSubordinate clauses!<\/span><\/p>\n

What do Santa’s little helpers learn at school?<\/span>
\nThe elf-abet!<\/span><\/p>\n

\"Christmas<\/a>
Christmas crackers amusing jokes<\/figcaption><\/figure>\n

What did Santa say to the smoker?<\/span>
\nPlease don’t smoke, it’s bad for my elf!<\/span><\/p>\n

Where does Santa go when he’s sick?<\/span>
\nTo the elf center!<\/span><\/p>\n

What do you call a bankrupt Santa?<\/span>
\nSaint Nickel-less!<\/span><\/p>\n

Where do elves go to dance?<\/span>
\nChristmas Balls!<\/span><\/p>\n

What do elves eat for breakfast?<\/span>
\nFrosted Flakes!<\/span><\/p>\n

Who might be cooking Christmas dinner at Number 10 this year?<\/span>
\nTheresa May.<\/span><\/p>\n

Why can’t Mary Berry eat turkey sandwiches? <\/span>
\nPaul Hollywood took all the bread.<\/span><\/p>\n

What do you call a frozen elf hanging from the ceiling?<\/span>
\nAn elfcicle!<\/span><\/p>\n

Who is the king of Santa’s rock and roll helpers?<\/span>
\nElfis! (Thank you, thank you very much!)<\/span><\/p>\n

What type of Shoes does Santa wear when he travels on a train?<\/span>
\nPlatforms!<\/span><\/p>\n

What do you get if Santa goes down the chimney when a fire is lit?<\/span>
\nKrisp Kringle!<\/span><\/p>\n

Who is Santa Claus married to?<\/span>
\nMary Christmas!<\/span><\/p>\n

How long do a reindeers legs have to be?<\/span>
\nLong enough so they can touch the ground!<\/span><\/p>\n

What do reindeer hang on their Christmas trees?<\/span>
\nHorn-aments!<\/span><\/p>\n

Why are Christmas trees so bad at sewing?<\/span>
\nThey always drop their needles!<\/span><\/p>\n

Who is the Music Elf’s favorite reindeer?<\/span>
\nDancer!<\/span><\/p>\n

Which of Santa\u2019s reindeers have to mind their manners most?<\/span>
\nRude-olph!<\/span><\/p>\n

Why has Hillary Clinton asked Santa for a 23-letter alphabet? <\/span>
\nBecause she is sick of F.B.I.<\/span><\/p>\n

Why didn’t Roy Hodgson go to visit Santa at The North Pole? <\/span>
\nHe couldn’t get past Iceland.<\/span><\/p>\n

Why don’t reindeer like picnics?<\/span>
\nBecause of all their ant-lures!<\/span><\/p>\n

What’s worse than Rudolph with a runny nose?<\/span>
\nFrosty the snowman with a hot flush!<\/span><\/p>\n

Did Rudolph go to school?<\/span>
\nNo. He was Elf-taught!<\/span><\/p>\n

Why did the Rudolph cross the road?<\/span>
\nBecause he was tied to the chicken!<\/span><\/p>\n

What do you call Rudolph with lots of snow in his ears?<\/span>
\nAnything you want, he can’t hear you!<\/span><\/p>\n

What did Santa ask Rudolph about the weather?<\/span>
\nIs it going to rain dear?!<\/span><\/p>\n

Why did the turkey cross the road?<\/span>
\nBecause he wasn’t chicken!<\/span><\/p>\n

Why did the turkey cross the road?<\/span>
\nBecause it was the chicken’s day off!<\/span><\/p>\n

Why are Jeremy Corbyn’s Christmas cards on the floor?<\/span>
\nHis cabinet collapsed.<\/span><\/p>\n

Philip looks out of the window on Christmas Eve: ‘That’s some reindeer’ he says. <\/span>
\nThe Queen replies: ’63 years. Yes, that is a lot.’<\/span><\/p>\n

What do you get if you cross Donald Trump with a Christmas Carol? <\/span>
\nO Comb Over Ye Faithful.<\/span><\/p>\n

What happened to the turkey at Christmas?<\/span>
\nIt got gobbled!<\/span><\/p>\n

Why did the turkey join the band?<\/span>
\nBecause it had the drumsticks!<\/span><\/p>\n

What do you get when you cross a snowman with a vampire?<\/span>
\nFrostbite!<\/span><\/p>\n

What do snowmen wear on their heads?<\/span>
\nIce caps!<\/span><\/p>\n

How do snowmen get around?<\/span>
\nThey ride an icicle<\/span><\/p>\n

What do snowmen eat for lunch?<\/span>
\nIceburgers!<\/span><\/p>\n

When is a boat just like snow?<\/span>
\nWhen its adrift!<\/span><\/p>\n

What song do you sing at a snowman’s birthday party?<\/span>
\nFreeze a jolly good fellow!<\/span><\/p>\n

How does Good King Wenceslas like his pizzas?<\/span>
\nOne that’s deep pan, crisp and even!<\/span><\/p>\n

\"Nice<\/a>
Nice Christmas crackers jokes<\/figcaption><\/figure>\n

Who hides in the bakery at Christmas?<\/span>
\nA mince spy!<\/span><\/p>\n

What did Adam say on the day before Christmas?<\/span>
\nIt’s Christmas, Eve!<\/span><\/p>\n

How does Christmas Day end?<\/span>
\nWith the letter ‘Y’!<\/span><\/p>\n

How many letters are in the angelic alphabet?<\/span>
\nThe Christmas alphabet has “no EL”!<\/span><\/p>\n

What carol is heard in the desert?<\/span>
\nO camel ye faithful!<\/span><\/p>\n

What do angry mice send to each other at Christmas?<\/span>
\nCross Mouse Cards!<\/span><\/p>\n

What is the best xmas present in the world?<\/span>
\nA broken drum, you just can’t beat it!<\/span><\/p>\n

How do sheep in Mexico say Merry Christmas?<\/span>
\nFleece Navidad!<\/span><\/p>\n

What are the best Christmas sweaters made from?<\/span>
\nFleece Navidad!<\/span><\/p>\n

How did Scrooge with the football game?<\/span>
\nThe ghost of Christmas passed!<\/span><\/p>\n

What athlete is warmest in winter?<\/span>
\nA long jumper!<\/span><\/p>\n

What do you get if you eat Christmas decorations?<\/span>
\nTinsilitis!<\/span><\/p>\n

What is the worst disease that you get at Christmas?<\/span>
\nExcemas!<\/span><\/p>\n

What’s green, covered in tinsel and goes ‘ribbet ribbet’?<\/span>
\nA Mistle-toad!<\/span><\/p>\n

What’s the most popular Christmas wine?<\/span>
\n‘I don’t like Brussels sprouts!’<\/span><\/p>\n

Why do ghosts live in the fridge?<\/span>
\nBecause it’s cool!<\/span><\/p>\n

What happened to the man who stole an Advent Calendar?<\/span>
\nHe got 25 days!<\/span><\/p>\n

What did the beaver say to the Christmas Tree?<\/span>
\nNice gnawing you!<\/span><\/p>\n

Why are Christmas Trees like bad knitters? <\/span>
\nThey keep loosing their needles!<\/span><\/p>\n

What do you get if you cross a Christmas tree with an apple?<\/span>
\nA pineapple!<\/span><\/p>\n

What do crackers, fruitcake and nuts remind me of?<\/span>
\nYou!<\/span><\/p>\n

What’s the best thing to put into a Christmas Cake?<\/span>
\nYour teeth!<\/span><\/p>\n

What do you get if you cross a bell with a skunk?<\/span>
\nJingle Smells!<\/span><\/p>\n

Where would you find chili beans?<\/span>
\nAt the north pole!<\/span><\/p>\n

Why is everyone so thirsty at the north pole?<\/span>
\nNo well, no well!<\/span><\/p>\n

Why don’t penguins fly?<\/span>
\nBecause they’re not tall enough to be pilots!<\/span><\/p>\n

What do sheep say at Christmas?<\/span>
\nWool-tide Bleatings! or A Merry Christmas to Ewe!<\/span><\/p>\n

What do you call a bunch of chess players bragging about their games in a hotel lobby?<\/span>
\nChess nuts boasting in an open foyer!<\/span><\/p>\n

What’s green, covered in tinsel and goes ribbet ribbet?<\/span>
\nMistle-toad!<\/span><\/p>\n

Which football team did the baby Jesus support?<\/span>
\nManger-ster United!<\/span><\/p>\n

How did Mary & Joseph know how much Jesus weighted when he was born?<\/span>
\nThere was a weight in a manger!<\/span><\/p>\n

What do you call a three legged donkey?<\/span>
\nA wonky donkey!<\/span><\/p>\n

What’s the name of the one horse in “Jingle Bells”?<\/span>
\nBob. (Bells on Bob’s tail ring!)<\/span><\/p>\n

What is the most competitive season?<\/span>
\nWin-ter!<\/span><\/p>\n

Children: This turkey tastes like an old sofa!<\/span>
\nMom: Well, you asked for something with plenty of stuffing!<\/span><\/p>\n

What’s the best advice you can give at the UKIP Christmas party? <\/span>
\nAvoid the punch.<\/span><\/p>\n

Why did the three wise men only have frankincense and myrrh? <\/span>
\nBecause Team GB took all the gold.<\/span><\/p>\n

Which parent is likely to do the Christmas shop at Tesco this year? <\/span>
\nDad might, Marmite not.<\/span><\/p>\n

What did the dog breeder get when she crossed an Irish Setter with a Pointer at Christmastime?<\/span>
\nA “pointsetter”!<\/span><\/p>\n

What do sheep say to each other at Christmastime?<\/span>
\nMerry Christmas to ewe!<\/span><\/p>\n

What do sheep say to shepherds at Christmastime?<\/span>
\nSeason’s Bleatings!<\/span><\/p>\n

How do sheep say Merry Christmas in Mexico?<\/span>
\nFleece Navidad!<\/span><\/p>\n

How do Chihuahua’s say Merry Christmas?<\/span>
\nFleas Navidog!<\/span><\/p>\n

What’s the best thing to put into Christmas dinner?<\/span>
\nYour teeth!<\/span><\/p>\n

Why should Christmas dinner always be well done?<\/span>
\nSo you can say “Merry Crispness”!<\/span><\/p>\n

A definition of Christmas:<\/span>
\nThe time when everyone gets “Santa”-mental.<\/span><\/p>\n

What’s red, white and blue at Christmas time?<\/span>
\nA sad candy cane!<\/span><\/p>\n

What did one Christmas cracker say to the other Christmas cracker?<\/span>
\nMy POP is bigger than yours!<\/span><\/p>\n

What do you call an elf who steals gift wrap from the rich and gives it to the poor?<\/span>
\nRibbon Hood!<\/span><\/p>\n

What comes at the end of Christmas Day?<\/span>
\nThe letter “Y”!<\/span><\/p>\n

What do angry mice send to each other in December?<\/span>
\nCross mouse cards!<\/span><\/p>\n

What’s the difference between the Christmas alphabet and the ordinary alphabet?<\/span>
\nThe Christmas alphabet has “no EL”!<\/span><\/p>\n

What did Adam say on the day before Christmas?<\/span>
\nIt’s Christmas, Eve!<\/span><\/p>\n

What happens if you eat too many Christmas decorations?<\/span>
\nYou get “Tinsel”-itis!<\/span><\/p>\n

I can’t get to the chocolates in my advent calendar. <\/span>
\nFoiled again.<\/span><\/p>\n

Why is Bob Dylan’s sleigh so quiet? <\/span>
\nBecause it has Nobel.<\/span><\/p>\n

“Do you ever buy any Christmas Seals?” <\/span>
\n“No, I wouldn’t know how to feed them.”<\/span><\/p>\n

What is the best key to get at Christmas?<\/span>
\nA turkey!<\/span><\/p>\n

What’s the best thing to give your parents for Christmas? <\/span>
\nA list of everything you want!<\/span><\/p>\n

Why is it so cold at Christmas?<\/span>
\nBecause it’s in Decembrrrr!<\/span><\/p>\n

What kind of Christmas tree comes from Hawaii?<\/span>
\n“O Tanning Palms”!<\/span><\/p>\n

What do wild animals sing at Christmastime?<\/span>
\nJungle bells, jungle bells, jungle all the way!<\/span><\/p>\n

What’s the favourite Christmas Carol of new parents?<\/span>
\nSilent Night!<\/span><\/p>\n

Where do mistletoe go to become famous?<\/span>
\n“Holly” wood!<\/span><\/p>\n

What did one Christmas light say to the other Christmas light?<\/span>
\nYou light me up!<\/span><\/p>\n

A Christmas thought:<\/span>
\nSTRESSED is just DESSERTS spelled backward.<\/span><\/p>\n

Why do Mummies like Christmas so much?<\/span>
\nBecause of all the wrapping!<\/span><\/p>\n

What is green, covered with tinsel and goes “ribbet ribbet”?<\/span>
\nA mistle-“toad”!<\/span><\/p>\n

Did you hear about the cat that swallowed Mrs. Claus’ yarn?<\/span>
\nShe had mittens!<\/span><\/p>\n

What did the grape say to the peanut butter?<\/span>
\n“‘Tis the season to be jelly!”<\/span><\/p>\n

This year even the toys are stressed out!<\/span>
\nYeah, they come already wound up!<\/span><\/p>\n

What did the gingerbread man put on his bed?<\/span>
\nA cookie sheet!<\/span><\/p>\n

What do you call an exploding Christmas tree?<\/span>
\nA Tannen-Bomb!<\/span><\/p>\n

What do you get when you cross a bell with a skunk?<\/span>
\nJingle smells!<\/span><\/p>\n

Why is the turkey such a fashionable bird?<\/span>
\nBecause he’s always well dressed when he comes to dinner!<\/span><\/p>\n

Why did the gingerbread man go to the doctor? <\/span>
\nBecause he was feeling crummy!<\/span><\/p>\n

Where does mistletoe go to be an actor?<\/span>
\n“Holly”-wood!<\/span><\/p>\n

Why don’t penguins fly?<\/span>
\nBecause they’re too short to be pilots!<\/span><\/p>\n

Why did the mosquito buzz around the bar?<\/span>
\nBecause he was a “bar humbug”!<\/span><\/p>\n

What kind of money do they use at the North Pole?<\/span>
\nCold cash!<\/span><\/p>\n

I keep Christmas in my heart every month of the year.<\/span>
\nThat’s because it’s on my charge card statement that long!<\/span><\/p>\n

Where do you keep a Christmas tree?<\/span>
\nBetween a Christmas two and a Christmas four!<\/span><\/p>\n

How much difference is there between the North Pole and the South Pole?<\/span>
\nAll the difference in the world!<\/span><\/p>\n

Where would you find chili beans?<\/span>
\nAt the North Pole!<\/span><\/p>\n

What kind of pine has the sharpest needles?<\/span>
\nA porcupine!<\/span><\/p>\n

What do Eskimos use to hold their homes together?<\/span>
\nIg-“glue”!<\/span><\/p>\n

What do you call a bunch of chess players bragging about their games in a hotel lobby?<\/span>
\nChess nuts boasting in an open foyer!<\/span><\/p>\n

A Christmas definition:<\/span>
\nThe time of year when you exchange “hello’s” with strangers and “good buy’s” with friends!<\/span><\/p>\n

What is white, lives at the north pole and runs around naked?<\/span>
\nA polar bare!<\/span><\/p>\n

What is in December that isn’t in any other month?<\/span>
\nThe letter “D”!<\/span><\/p>\n

I know it’s the thought that counts, not the size of the pressie…<\/span>
\nBut couldn’t people think bigger?<\/span><\/p>\n

What did one angel say to the other angel?<\/span>
\nHalo there!<\/span><\/p>\n

What kind of music do elves like best?<\/span>
\n“Wrap” music!<\/span><\/p>\n

How many elves does it take to change a light bulb?<\/span>
\nTen! One to change the light bulb and nine to stand on each other’s shoulders!<\/span><\/p>\n

What kind of bread do elves make sandwiches with?<\/span>
\nWhy, shortbread of course!<\/span><\/p>\n

What kind of money do elves use?<\/span>
\nJingle bills!<\/span><\/p>\n

Why did Santa’s helper see the doctor?<\/span>
\nBecause he had low “elf” esteem!<\/span><\/p>\n

How long should an elf’s legs be?<\/span>
\nJust long enough to reach the ground!<\/span><\/p>\n

\"Christmas<\/a>
Christmas crackers dinner jokes<\/figcaption><\/figure>\n

What did the elf say was the first step in using a Christmas computer?<\/span>
\n“First, YULE LOGon”!<\/span><\/p>\n

Why did the elf put his bed into the fireplace?<\/span>
\nHe wanted to sleep like a log!<\/span><\/p>\n

What’s the first thing elves learn in school?<\/span>
\nThe “elf”-abet!<\/span><\/p>\n

Who sings “Blue Christmas” and makes toy guitars?<\/span>
\nElfis!<\/span><\/p>\n

Who lives at the North Pole, makes toys and rides around in a pumpkin?<\/span>
\nCinder-“elf”-a!<\/span><\/p>\n

One elf said to another elf, “We had Grandma for Christmas dinner”.<\/span>
\nAnd the other elf said, “Really? We had turkey!”<\/span><\/p>\n

Why do elves scratch themselves?<\/span>
\nBecause they’re the only ones who know where it’s itchy!<\/span><\/p>\n

How do elves greet each other?<\/span>
\n“Small world, isn’t it?”<\/span><\/p>\n

Santa rides in a sleigh. What do elves ride in?<\/span>
\nMini vans!<\/span><\/p>\n

What do you call an elf who tells silly jokes?<\/span>
\nA real Christmas Card!<\/span><\/p>\n

What do they call a wild elf in Texas?<\/span>
\nGnome on the range!<\/span><\/p>\n

Why did the elves spell Christmas N-O-E?<\/span>
\nBecause Santa had said, “No L!”<\/span><\/p>\n

Why did the elves ask the turkey to join the band?<\/span>
\nBecause he had the drum sticks!<\/span><\/p>\n

If athletes get athlete’s foot, what do elves get?<\/span>
\nMistle-toes!<\/span><\/p>\n

What’s another name for Santa’s helpers?<\/span>
\nSubordinate clauses!<\/span><\/p>\n

Where do you find elves?<\/span>
\nDepends where you left them!<\/span><\/p>\n

(You should see the reindeer’s jokes about elves!)<\/span>
\nLaugh at Silly Jokes about reindeer!<\/span><\/p>\n

What does Rudolph want for Christmas?<\/span>
\nA pony sleigh station!<\/span><\/p>\n

What do reindeer hang on their Christmas trees?<\/span>
\n“Horn”-aments!<\/span><\/p>\n

Why did the reindeer wear sunglasses to the Christmas party?<\/span>
\nBecause he didn’t want to be recognised!<\/span><\/p>\n

How can Santa’s sleigh possibly fly through the air?<\/span>
\nYou would too if you were pulled by flying reindeer!<\/span><\/p>\n

What would a reindeer do if it lost its tail?<\/span>
\nShe’d go to a “re-tail” shop for a new one!<\/span><\/p>\n

Why is Prancer always wet?<\/span>
\nBecause he’s a “rain”-deer!<\/span><\/p>\n

Which reindeer has the cleanest antlers?<\/span>
\nComet!<\/span><\/p>\n

When should you give reindeer milk to a baby?<\/span>
\nWhen it’s a baby reindeer!<\/span><\/p>\n

Why does Scrooge love all of the reindeer?<\/span>
\nBecause every buck is dear to him!<\/span><\/p>\n

Which of Santa’s reindeer has bad manners?<\/span>
\n“Rude”-olph!<\/span><\/p>\n

What do you call a reindeer wearing ear muffs?<\/span>
\nAnything you want because he can’t hear you!<\/span><\/p>\n

What do reindeer always say before telling you a joke?<\/span>
\nThis one will “sleigh” you!<\/span><\/p>\n

How does Rudolph know when Christmas is coming?<\/span>
\nHe looks at his calen-“deer”!<\/span><\/p>\n

Where do the reindeer like to stop for lunch?<\/span>
\n“Deery” Queen!<\/span><\/p>\n

What do you give a reindeer with an upset tummy?<\/span>
\n“Elk”-a-seltzer!<\/span><\/p>\n

How do you get into Donner’s house?<\/span>
\nYou ring the “deer”-bell!<\/span><\/p>\n

What’s red and white and gives presents to gazelles?<\/span>
\nSantelope!<\/span><\/p>\n

How many reindeer does it take to change a light bulb?<\/span>
\nEight! One to screw in the light bulb and seven to hold Rudolph down!<\/span><\/p>\n

Did Rudolph go to a regular school?<\/span>
\nNo, he was “elf”-taught!<\/span><\/p>\n

Why did Rudolph the red-nosed reindeer cross the road?<\/span>
\nBecause he was tied to a chicken!<\/span><\/p>\n

What’s red and green and guides Santa’s sleigh?<\/span>
\nRudolph the red-nosed pickle!<\/span><\/p>\n

Did you hear that one of Santa’s reindeer also works as a maid?<\/span>
\nYup! Comet cleans sinks!<\/span><\/p>\n

Why do reindeer wear fur coats?<\/span>
\nBecause they look silly in snowsuits!<\/span><\/p>\n

(It helps to have an elf’s sense of fun to really enjoy them!)<\/span>
\nSnort at Silly Jokes about Santa Claus!<\/span><\/p>\n

Why does Santa always go down the chimney?<\/span>
\nBecause it soots him!<\/span>
\n(that’s one of Santa’s favourite jokes! *HO! Ho! ho!*)<\/span><\/p>\n

Where does Santa stay when he’s on holidays?<\/span>
\nAt a Ho-ho-tel!<\/span><\/p>\n

What does Mrs. Claus sing to Santy on his birthday?<\/span>
\n“Freeze a jolly good fellow!”<\/span><\/p>\n

What does Santa put on his toast?<\/span>
\n“Jingle Jam”<\/span><\/p>\n

What do you get if you cross Father Christmas with a duck?<\/span>
\nA Christmas Quacker!<\/span><\/p>\n

An honest politician, a kind lawyer and Santa Claus were walking down the street and saw a $20 bill. Which one picked it up??<\/span>
\nSanta! The other two don’t exist!<\/span><\/p>\n

What do you do if Santa Claus gets stuck in your chimney?<\/span>
\nPour Santa flush on him!<\/span><\/p>\n

What does Santa say to the toys on Christmas Eve?<\/span>
\nOkay everyone, sack time!<\/span><\/p>\n

What do the elves call it when P\u00e8re No\u00ebl claps his hands at the end of a play?<\/span>
\nSantapplause!<\/span><\/p>\n

Why does Santa like to work in his garden?<\/span>
\nBecause he likes to hoe, hoe, hoe!<\/span><\/p>\n

What do you call a kitty on the beach on Christmas morning?<\/span>
\nSandy Claws!<\/span><\/p>\n

Who delivers presents to dentist offices?<\/span>
\nSanta Jaws!<\/span><\/p>\n

Who delivers Christmas presents to elephants?<\/span>
\nElephanta Claus!<\/span><\/p>\n

Why can’t the England football team play Yahtzee this Christmas? <\/span>
\nBecause they got rid of Allardyce.<\/span><\/p>\n

Why is everyone filing for divorce and custody of the kids this Christmas?<\/span>
\nTis the season to be Jolie.<\/span><\/p>\n

What do you get if Santa comes down the chimney while the fire is still burning?<\/span>
\nCrisp Kringle!<\/span><\/p>\n

Why does St. Nicholas have a white beard?<\/span>
\nSo he can hide at the North Pole!<\/span><\/p>\n

What do you call Santa when he has no money?<\/span>
\nSaint “Nickel”-less!<\/span><\/p>\n

What smells most in a chimney?<\/span>
\nSanta’s nose!<\/span><\/p>\n

What does Kris Kringle like to get when he goes to the donut shop?<\/span>
\nA jolly roll!<\/span><\/p>\n

What do you call someone who doesn’t believe in Father Christmas?<\/span>
\nA rebel without a Claus!<\/span><\/p>\n

What is invisible but smells like milk and cookies?<\/span>
\nKris Kringle burps!<\/span><\/p>\n

What did Santa get when he crossed a woodpecker with kleenex?<\/span>
\nRapping paper!<\/span><\/p>\n

What does Santa like to have for breakfast?<\/span>
\nMistle-“toast”!<\/span><\/p>\n

Why does Santa take presents to children around the world?<\/span>
\nBecause the presents won’t take themselves!<\/span><\/p>\n

What does Santa use when he goes fishing?<\/span>
\nHis north pole!<\/span><\/p>\n

How do we know Santa is such a good race car driver?<\/span>
\nBecause he’s always in the pole position!<\/span><\/p>\n

What is twenty feet tall, has sharp teeth and goes Ho Ho Ho?<\/span>
\nTyranno-santa Rex!<\/span><\/p>\n

What’s red & white and red & white and red & white?<\/span>
\nSanta rolling down a hill!<\/span><\/p>\n

What did Santa say to Mrs. Claus when he looked out the window?<\/span>
\nLooks like “rain”, “Dear”!<\/span><\/p>\n

What’s red and green and flies?<\/span>
\nAn airsick Santa Claus!<\/span><\/p>\n

How does P\u00e8re No\u00ebl take pictures?<\/span>
\nWith his North “Pole”-aroid!<\/span><\/p>\n

Why does Santa’s sleigh get such good mileage?<\/span>
\nBecause it has long-distance runners on each side!<\/span><\/p>\n

What goes Ho, Ho, Swoosh! Ho, Ho, Swoosh?<\/span>
\nSanta caught in a revolving door!<\/span><\/p>\n

What kind of motorcycle does Santy ride?<\/span>
\nA “Holly” Davidson!<\/span><\/p>\n

Where does Father Christmas go to vote?<\/span>
\nThe North Poll!<\/span><\/p>\n

What’s red and white and falls down the chimney?<\/span>
\nSanta Klutz!<\/span><\/p>\n

What do you call Saint Nick after he has come down the chimney?<\/span>
\nCinder Claus!<\/span><\/p>\n

What nationality is Santa Claus?<\/span>
\nNorth Polish!<\/span><\/p>\n

Why does Santa owe everything to the elves?<\/span>
\nBecause he is an elf-made man!<\/span><\/p>\n

What goes oh, oh, oh?<\/span>
\nSanta Claus walking backwards!<\/span><\/p>\n

How many chimneys does Saint Nick go down?<\/span>
\nStacks!<\/span><\/p>\n

What does Santa get if he gets stuck in a chimney?<\/span>
\nClaustrophobic!<\/span><\/p>\n

\"Christmas<\/a>
Christmas crackers famous jokes<\/figcaption><\/figure>\n

What would you call Father Christmas if he became a detective?<\/span>
\nSanta Clues!<\/span><\/p>\n

Who delivers Christmas presents to pets?<\/span>
\nWhy, Santa Paws of course!<\/span><\/p>\n

How does Frosty the Snowman get around?<\/span>
\nOn an “ice”-icle!<\/span><\/p>\n

What does Frosty eat for lunch?<\/span>
\nIce-“berg”-ers!<\/span><\/p>\n

What kind of mug does a snowman use for lunch?<\/span>
\nA Frosted One!<\/span><\/p>\n

What does Frosty like to put on his icebergers?<\/span>
\nChilly sauce!<\/span><\/p>\n

What food do you get when you cross Frosty with a polar bear?<\/span>
\nA “brrr” – “grrr”!<\/span><\/p>\n

Why did Frosty go to the middle of the lake?<\/span>
\nBecause snow man’s an island!<\/span><\/p>\n

What did Frosty’s girlfriend give him when she was mad at him?<\/span>
\nThe cold shoulder!<\/span><\/p>\n

What does Frosty the Snowman take when he gets sick?<\/span>
\nA chill pill!<\/span><\/p>\n

What falls but never hurts itself?<\/span>
\nSnow!<\/span><\/p>\n

What can bite & nip at your toes but has no teeth?<\/span>
\nFrost!<\/span><\/p>\n

What do you get when you cross Frosty with a shark?<\/span>
\nFrost bite!<\/span><\/p>\n

Who are Frosty’s parents?<\/span>
\nMom and Pop-Sicle!<\/span><\/p>\n

Who is Frosty’s favourite Aunt?<\/span>
\nAunt Artica!<\/span><\/p>\n

What does Frosty’s wife put on her face at night?<\/span>
\nCold cream!<\/span><\/p>\n

What does Frosty the Snowman drink to stay warm?<\/span>
\nIce tea!<\/span><\/p>\n

What does Frosty eat for breakfast?<\/span>
\nSnowflakes! (or was that “Frosted Flakes”?)<\/span><\/p>\n

Where do Frosty and his wife go to dance?<\/span>
\nSnowballs!<\/span><\/p>\n

What does Frosty the Snowman wear on his head?<\/span>
\nAn ice cap!<\/span><\/p>\n

Where does Frosty keep his money?<\/span>
\nIn a “Snow”-bank! (it is cold cash after all! *grin*)<\/span><\/p>\n

What did the police officer say when he saw Frosty stealing?<\/span>
\n“Freeze!”<\/span><\/p>\n

What do you get when you cross Frosty with a baker?<\/span>
\nFrosty the Dough-man!<\/span><\/p>\n

What are Frosty’s favourite letters?<\/span>
\nI.C.!<\/span><\/p>\n

What does Frosty call ice?<\/span>
\nSkid stuff!<\/span><\/p>\n

What’s worse than Rudolph with a runny nose?<\/span>
\nFrosty with a hot flash!<\/span><\/p>\n

What did Frosty call his cow?<\/span>
\nEskimoo!<\/span><\/p>\n

What do you call Frosty the Snowman on roller blades? <\/span>
\nA snowmobile!<\/span><\/p>\n

What kind of cake does Frosty like?<\/span>
\nThe kind with lots of frosting! (or was that icing? *wink*)<\/span><\/p>\n

Read also:<\/span><\/p>\n

Christmas quotes<\/a> ;<\/span><\/p>\n

Best Christmas songs<\/a> ;<\/span><\/p>\n

60 great Christmas quotes<\/a> ;<\/span><\/p>\n

Christmas tree origin and quotes<\/a> ;\u00a0<\/span><\/p>\n

Christmas markets in England<\/a> ;<\/span><\/p>\n

Christmas markets in America<\/a> ;<\/span><\/p>\n

Christmas markets in Italy and Germany<\/a> ;<\/span><\/p>\n

Christmas short stories<\/a> ;<\/span><\/p>\n

Ella Gray A Christmas story<\/a> ;<\/span><\/p>\n

Funny Christmas Stories<\/a> ;<\/span><\/p>\n

Traditional Christmas Carols<\/a> ;<\/span><\/p>\n

Amusing Christmas stories<\/a> ;<\/span><\/p>\n

Best Entertainment for Christmas<\/a> ;<\/span><\/p>\n

Christmas jokes<\/a> ;<\/span><\/p>\n

Christmas cracker jokes<\/a> ;<\/span><\/p>\n

Christmas best humorous quotes<\/span><\/a> ;<\/span><\/p>\n

Christmas food<\/a> ;<\/span><\/p>\n

Christmas thoughts<\/a> ;<\/span><\/p>\n

Christmas story<\/a> ;<\/span><\/p>\n

Christmas in Italy<\/a> ;<\/span><\/p>\n

Christmas holidays<\/a> ;<\/span><\/p>\n

Christmas songs<\/a> ;<\/span><\/p>\n

Christmas poems<\/a> ;<\/span><\/p>\n

An Essay on Christmas by Chesterton<\/a> ;<\/span><\/p>\n

\n

Quotes by authors<\/span><\/a><\/p>\n

Quotes by arguments<\/a><\/span><\/p>\n

Thoughts and reflections<\/a><\/span><\/p>\n

Essays with quotes<\/a><\/span><\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

Christmas crackers jokes, Funny Christmas crackers and humorous jokes by English-Culture for your enjoyment and your amusing Christmas Holidays. Christmas crackers are a British tradition dating back to Victorian times when in …<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":2,"featured_media":149111,"comment_status":"closed","ping_status":"closed","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"footnotes":""},"categories":[2020,715,136,1117,202,1220,718,182,185,143,831,146,2618,562,171,25,2161,3896,151,132,224,12],"tags":[2613,1711,2526,2548,2614,2615,2586,2616,2617,321,902,2554,2555,2592,1322,2619],"class_list":["post-110260","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","has-post-thumbnail","hentry","category-america","category-arts-crafts","category-communication","category-conversation","category-creativity","category-culture","category-english-world","category-happiness","category-humour","category-language","category-learning","category-life","category-nonsense","category-quotations","category-quotes","category-quotes-by-arguments","category-religion","category-society","category-stupidity-2","category-the-world-of-english","category-thoughts","category-writing","tag-brexit","tag-british","tag-christmas","tag-claus","tag-crackers","tag-elf","tag-frosty","tag-gift","tag-lunch","tag-motto","tag-poems","tag-santa","tag-snow","tag-snowman","tag-tradition","tag-victorian"],"aioseo_notices":[],"aioseo_head":"\n\t\t\n\t\n\t\n\t\n\t\n\t\n\t\n\t\n\t\t\n\t\t\n\t\t\n\t\t\n\t\t\n\t\t\n\t\t\n\t\t\n\t\t\n\t\t\n\t\t\n\t\t